Parent guides › Common problems
For parents and coachesThe bossy kid:
what to do
Some kids tell everyone where to go, argue with the referee and shout at teammates after a mistake. It can wear down a team. It also often comes from a child who cares a lot, and that is worth something.
Keep the care. Change the way it comes out.
Why it happens
- They care a lot and want to win.
- They are copying what they hear from adults.
- They are frustrated because they see the game faster than others.
- They want attention or status.
- They do not yet know how their words land.
Turn it into leadership
Give them a real job. Team captain for the day, in charge of the warm-up, or the one who says something good to a teammate at every break. Children often live up to the role they are given. A bossy kid may simply be a leader who has not been taught how yet.
What coaches can say
“What could you say that would help them?”
“Say one good thing before you say anything else.”
Set a team rule
Make it a rule for everyone, not just one child: we only speak to teammates in a way that helps. Young players can understand that. Keep it simple, and hold everyone to it, including the best player.
If it is your child
It can be hard to hear. Try not to get defensive. Ask them how they think teammates feel. Then think about what they hear at home and on the sideline, because kids often copy what adults do. If you shout instructions, they are likely to as well.
When it goes too far
There is a line between bossy and unkind. If a child is putting others down, leaving someone out or making a teammate not want to come, deal with it right away. Talk to the child privately, then speak with their parents. Every child on the team should feel safe at practice.
Questions parents and coaches ask
Should I bench a bossy player?
A short break can help them cool down. Explain why, keep it calm and let them back in.
Other kids don’t like playing with my child. What should I do?
Talk with the coach, and with your child, kindly. It is fixable, and it is worth working on early.
What if the bossy kid is the best player?
Hold them to the same rule as everyone else. The team notices what you allow.
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