Parent guides › Parent coaches
For parent coachesDealing with sideline parents:
what to do
Most parents are great. One loud one can change the feel of a whole team. Here is how to deal with it calmly, before it becomes a bigger problem.
Deal with it early, privately and calmly.
Set expectations first
The easiest fix is the one you make before the season. Tell parents at your first meeting what you ask of them on the sideline. It is much easier to remind someone of what you all agreed than to bring up something new in week five.
The parent who shouts instructions
This is the most common one, and it usually comes from caring. Two voices confuse a child, though, especially when they say different things. Have a quiet word: “I love how much you care. It helps the players if they only hear one voice during the game.”
The parent who complains about playing time
Do not talk about it at the field. Ask them to message you the next day, then listen. Show them how you track it, if you can. If they have a point, say so. If not, explain your thinking once and leave it at that. You do not need to win the argument.
The parent who yells at the referee
Deal with this one quickly, because a young referee may be on the receiving end. Speak to the parent privately and calmly, and remind them of the league’s rules. If it keeps happening, involve your club. Many leagues have a code of conduct for this reason.
How to have the conversation
- Do it in private, and not right after a game.
- Start with something true and positive.
- Say what you saw, and how it affects the players.
- Say what you need from them.
- Keep it short, and thank them.
What to try saying
“When the kids hear two voices, they freeze up.”
“Can I ask you to cheer, and leave the instructions to me?”
When to get help
You are a volunteer, and you do not have to take abuse. If a parent is aggressive, threatening or will not stop, walk away and go to your club or league. They have the authority to deal with it, and it is their job to back you.
Every practice, already written
You should not have to plan every session on your own. Each season curriculum gives you one page per session and an animated video of every activity. Read it in the car, set out your cones and coach.
Questions coaches ask
What if the parent is also my friend?
That can make it easier. Be honest and kind, and do it privately.
Should I talk to the player about their parent?
No. Keep the child out of it.
What if a parent emails me late at night?
You do not need to reply right away. A short, calm reply the next day is better.
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