Only wants to play with a friend:
what to do

By Gabe Ramos · U.S. Soccer Coach Educator · Updated November 2026

For many children, a friend is the reason they go to soccer at all. That is not a problem. It can become one when they refuse to play without that friend. Here is how to handle both.

The one thing to remember

A friend is a great reason to play. Build on it.

Why it is normal

A friend makes a new place feel safe. For younger children especially, being with a friend can be the difference between joining in and sitting out. Plenty of kids stick with a sport for years because of the people, and that is a very good reason.

If you are the parent

Ask for them to be on the same team, if your league allows it.
Arrange a carpool, so they can arrive together.
Gently encourage them to get to know one other child.
Do not make your child feel bad about wanting their friend there.

If you are the coach

Start them together, then mix the groups as the session goes on.
Change partners often, so it becomes normal.
Keep friends together sometimes. It is not a battle worth fighting every night.
Watch that a pair does not leave out another child.

When the friend is not there

Some children fall apart when their friend misses practice. Talk about it ahead of time, and give them a plan: “If Sam is away, you can start with the coach.” Pairing them with a kind teammate for the first game helps a lot.

When the friend leaves or moves teams

This can hit hard, especially from about nine or ten. It can be the real reason a child says they want to quit. Take it seriously, and give it time. Keep the friendship going outside soccer if you can, and help them get to know someone new on the team.

Should you choose a team because of a friend?

At young ages, friends are a fine reason. As children get older, a good coach and enough playing time start to matter too. It is still OK for friends to count. Let your child tell you how much it matters to them.

Questions parents and coaches ask

Should I keep best friends apart at practice?

Not all the time. Mix groups as you go, and let them be together for some of it.

My child won’t go if their friend isn’t going. What now?

Let them know in advance, and make a small plan. Try one session. It is usually easier than they expect.

What if two friends are distracting the team?

Split them for an activity or two, and do it without any fuss.

My child wants to quit ›The kid who won’t join in ›All parent guides ›

Only wants to play with a friend:what to do