Parent guides › Parent coaches
For parent coachesThe kid who won’t join in:
what to do
Every coach of young players meets this child. They stand by their parent, or sit on the ball, or just shake their head. It can feel like you are doing something wrong. You almost certainly are not.
Never force a child onto the field. Make it easy to join.
Why it happens
- It is new, and they want to watch first.
- The group feels too big or too loud.
- They do not know anyone.
- They are tired, hungry or having a bad day.
- They are worried about getting it wrong.
What to do in the moment
- Walk over and get down to their level.
- Say hello and use their name.
- Give them a small job: carry the cones or hold the spare ball.
- Offer an easy way in: “Do you want to be my helper shark?”
- Let them stay with their parent at the edge. Watching still counts.
What not to do
- Do not coax them in front of the group.
- Do not make it a big deal for the parent, who may already be embarrassed.
- Do not ignore them. A quick smile each time you pass helps.
- Do not bribe them to join.
Over the next few weeks
Start every session the same way, so they know what is coming. Say hello first thing. Ask the parent to arrive a little early, so the child is there before the crowd. If they have a friend on the team, pair them up. Most children join in once they see it is a game, and it usually happens when nobody is pushing.
With an older child
At U9 and up, a player who hangs back may be worried about their ability or about teammates. Have a quiet word. Ask what would make practice better. Give them a role they can do well. A little attention from a coach can make a big difference.
Talk to the parent
A short, friendly word helps. Tell them this is normal, you are not worried and there is no rush. It takes the pressure off them, and that takes the pressure off the child.
Every practice, already written
You should not have to plan every session on your own. Each season curriculum gives you one page per session and an animated video of every activity. Read it in the car, set out your cones and coach.
Questions coaches ask
How long should I wait before I’m concerned?
A few weeks is normal at the youngest ages. If a child is still upset every time, talk with the parent about what might help.
Should the parent stay on the field with them?
For the youngest players, that is fine at first. Move them a little further away each week.
Should I make them try one activity?
Invite them, but do not make them. Being forced tends to make the next week harder.
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