Is my teen behind?
the high school years

By Gabe Ramos · U.S. Soccer Coach Educator · Updated November 2026

By high school, being behind depends entirely on what your child wants. Behind for a varsity spot is different from behind for college, and neither one matters if they are playing because they love it.

The one thing to remember

Behind compared to what? Start with what your child wants.

Start with the goal

Ask your child what they want from soccer in the next two or three years. Make the school team? Start? Play in college? Keep playing with friends? Each of those has a different answer to “am I good enough?” Without a goal, the question does not mean much.

If they want to make the school team

Encourage them to talk to the coach well before tryouts, and to ask what the coach looks for. Fitness and attitude often count for a lot at tryouts, and those are two things a player can improve by working on their own.

If they want to play in college

This needs an honest conversation, and it should come from someone who knows the game. Ask their club or school coach what level is realistic. It may not be what your child wants to hear, but there are many levels of college soccer, and a straight answer now is better than a surprise later.

Getting honest feedback

Let your child ask the question themselves.
Ask more than one coach, if you can.
Ask what to work on, not just “how good am I?”
Be ready for an answer you do not love.

If they are playing for love

Then they are not behind at all. A teenager who plays because they enjoy it, stays active and has a group of friends through the game is getting exactly what youth soccer is for. That is worth protecting, whether or not they ever start.

Questions parents ask

My teen didn’t make varsity. Should they keep playing?

If they want to, yes. Junior varsity, club and rec all offer good soccer, and players develop at different speeds.

How do I know if my teen is good enough for college soccer?

Ask their coach for an honest opinion. Coaches who have seen them play will have the best sense of what level fits.

My teen is more serious about soccer than I expected. How do I help?

Support the routine, like food, rest and rides. Let them lead the plan.

What to say after a game ›My child wants to quit ›Rec or travel? ›What to expect at U15+ ›

Is my teen behind?the high school years