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For parent coachesCoaching your own child:
how to make it work
Most volunteer coaches are coaching their own child. It can be one of the best things you ever do together, and it can also go badly. Here is how to keep it good.
On the field you are their coach. In the car you are their parent.
Talk about it first
Ask your child how they feel about you coaching. Then agree on the basics. What will they call you at practice? What happens if they are upset? What will you do if they do not listen? Even a six-year-old can have this conversation, and it helps to have had it before the first bad day.
The two traps
- Being harder on your own child, so nobody thinks you are playing favorites.
- Giving them more minutes or the best position without noticing.
How to stay fair
Treat your child like any other player. Use the same rules, the same tone and the same amount of attention. Write down your subs before the game, so playing time is not decided in the moment. Ask your assistant to tell you honestly if you are drifting either way.
Protect the ride home
This is the most important part. When practice ends, you stop being the coach. Do not go over what happened, do not bring up what they should have done, and do not ask why they were not listening. If they want to talk about it, they will. Say what any parent would say: “I loved watching you play.”
When your child acts up with you
Plenty of kids behave better for every adult but their own parent. If yours is pushing your buttons at practice, try putting them in your assistant’s group for part of the session. It takes the pressure off you both.
When to step back
If your child asks you to stop, listen. So too if soccer has become a source of arguments at home. You can still be their biggest fan from the sideline, and that may be what they need. Nothing about stepping back is a failure.
Every practice, already written
You should not have to plan every session on your own. Each season curriculum gives you one page per session and an animated video of every activity. Read it in the car, set out your cones and coach.
Questions coaches ask
Should my child call me Coach at practice?
It is up to the two of you. Some families like it, and some do not. What matters is agreeing beforehand.
My child never listens to me at practice. Is that normal?
Very. Give them to your assistant for part of the session, and keep it light.
Should I give my child the same playing time as everyone else?
Yes. It is the easiest way to keep the trust of the other parents, and your child’s too.
Fair playing time ›What to say after a game ›Free practice plans ›