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For parents · Ages 5–8What to say after a game:
ages 5 to 8
At this age your child has usually forgotten the score by the time they find their snack. The ride home is not a debrief. It is a chance to make soccer feel good. Here is what to say, what to skip, and what to do when there are tears.
Young children mostly remember how the day felt, so keep it warm and keep it short.
Start with five words
“I love watching you play.” That one sentence tells a young child everything they need to hear: you were there, you were looking at them, and it had nothing to do with goals. If you only ever say one thing after a game, make it that.
Other good things to say
“Did you try any of your moves today?”
“Who did you help?”
“I saw you keep going after you fell.”
What to skip
- “How many goals did you score?” It tells them goals are what you care about.
- “Why didn’t you pass?” At this age, keeping the ball is the job.
- Coaching from the front seat. They have had enough instructions for one day.
- Comparing them with a teammate, even kindly.
- Paying for goals. It turns a game into a job.
When there are tears
Losing, getting bumped, a friend taking the ball: small things are big at six. Do not rush to fix it or explain it. Give them a hug, a minute and a snack, and say “That was hard.” Then talk about something else.
If it still bothers them at bedtime, they will often bring it up on their own. That is the moment to listen.
When they have nothing to say
Plenty of young children have nothing to report, and that is fine. Ask one question at most and move on. A quiet ride home does not mean they had a bad time.
If they ask how they did
Be honest and find something true: “You kept trying,” or “You were running the whole time.” Children this age can tell when praise is empty, so point to something you actually saw.
A simple routine
- Snack first.
- One kind sentence.
- One question, if they seem up for it.
- Then stop.
Questions parents ask
Should I tell my child they played well when they didn’t?
You do not need to fake it. Find something true about their effort and say that instead.
Is it OK to keep score with my six-year-old?
The children will do it anyway. Just do not make it the first thing you ask about.
My child only talks about who scored. Is that normal?
Yes. Goals are the most exciting thing they saw. It does not mean they are worried about it.
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