Parent guides › After the game
For parents · Ages 8–10What to say after a game:
ages 8 to 10
Around eight to ten, children start to know how they played. They know who is better, they remember the mistake, and they can tell when you are disappointed. What you say matters more now, and less is usually better.
Wait until they bring it up. If they do not, let it go.
Give it some time
Many kids are not ready to talk straight after a game. They are tired, hungry and still inside it. Hold off until they have eaten, or until you are home. If they want to talk sooner, they will.
Good things to say
“What was the best moment today?”
“What position did you play? What was that like?”
“Is there anything you want to work on?”
What to skip
- Talking about the referee. It teaches them that someone else decides how they did.
- Repeating what the coach said. They have already heard it.
- “You should have passed.” A child who is told what to do in the car learns less than one who works it out.
- Opening with playing time.
After a mistake that cost a goal
U9 is the first year with keepers, so this comes up a lot. Do not tell them it was not their fault if it was. They know, and they will stop trusting what you say.
Try something honest instead: “That was tough. Everybody on that field has done it.” Then give it a day. A child who gets back in goal next week has learned more than any talk could teach.
After a big loss
Do not pretend it did not happen, and do not analyze it. A short “That was a hard one” is enough. Kids this age are usually ready to move on before their parents are.
After a big win
Stay about the same. If you only light up after wins, they will notice. Ask about the same things you ask after a loss: what was fun, and what they noticed.
When you disagree with the coach
Keep it away from your child. A player who hears a parent question the coach has to pick a side, and at nine that is a hard place to be. If it matters, talk to the coach yourself, later, and calmly.
Questions parents ask
How soon after a game should we talk about it?
Wait until they have eaten, and let them start it. Some children never want to, and that is fine.
Should I point out what they did wrong?
Not unless they ask. The coach can do that. Your job is to be glad they played.
My child is hard on themselves after games. What do I say?
Do not argue with the feeling. Say “That sounds tough,” then point to one thing you saw them do well.
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