Parent guides › After the game
For parents · Ages 12–14What to say after a game:
ages 12 to 14
Young teenagers often do not want to talk after a game. That is normal. Your job changes from conversation partner to safe place. Here is what works when the answers are one word long.
Silence in the car is not a problem to solve.
Say less
A thirteen-year-old has just been watched and judged for an hour. They do not need more of that from the front seat. The most useful thing you can do is make the ride home feel normal.
Things that work
“Want to get food?”
“I’m around if you want to talk.”
If they bring it up
Listen, and do not fix it. Before you answer, try asking: “Do you want advice, or do you just want me to listen?” Most of the time they want you to listen. That question also shows respect, which counts for a lot at this age.
What to skip
- Starting the conversation about the game.
- Quoting something you read about tactics.
- Comparing them with what they could do last year, when they were a different size.
- Mentioning who was watching.
When they are hard on themselves
Teenagers can be brutal about their own mistakes, and the jump to the full pitch gives them plenty to choose from. Do not rush to argue. “That sounds like it’s bugging you” goes further than “You played great,” which they will not believe anyway.
Playing time
If minutes are the issue, encourage your child to talk to the coach themselves. It is a hard conversation at thirteen, and a good one to learn. You can help them work out what to say, then let them do it.
The group chat
The game does not end at the whistle any more. Teammates talk about it online, sometimes unkindly. If your child comes off their phone upset, that may be what is going on. Ask if they want to talk, and leave it at that.
Questions parents ask
My teenager gives one-word answers after every game. Is that a problem?
Usually not. Keep showing up and keep it light. They notice that you are there, even if they do not say so.
Should I still go to the games?
Yes, unless they ask you not to. Many teens say they do not care, then notice when you are missing.
How do I give feedback if they never ask?
You mostly do not. Leave it to the coach. If they ask, keep it short and honest.
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